APOLOGY TO A FRIEND

Shane peeked outside through the glass window of the bus as it smoothly rolled towards her hometown. This was her last day in school for the week, and she was obviously exultant. She precipitously flashed back at the events of that week. Sam had neither called her nor texted for a week now! What was cutting through his cognizance? Shane wondered.

 ...

She reminisced how she used to chat with Sam for hours every day after school. She swiftly took out her phone and scrolled down the menu to messages. She retrieved the inbox folder and scrolled to the bottom of the page, then started construing the messages up one after another. She was surprised at the way her memory flashed back such that she vividly recollected the state under which every message was exchanged!

Sam had been closer than a brother to Shane and if someone confounded him for her twin brother, Shane wouldn’t be surprised. She remembered how Sam stood by her when she had problems with her boyfriend Jamie. As much as Shane wanted to cry Sam could not let her tears leave her eyes because he always filled her with warm words that made her forget her current situation and see hope in her relationship. She still kept wondering how Sam had managed to convince her to mend things up with her sweetheart and what could have happened to her current happiness if she had let go of everything.

She remembered how she had come across Sam. It was rather enigmatic! She never knew Sam before, until after High School when, as Sam had told her later, he stumbled upon her profile in a social network. He didn’t know why he instantly liked her profile and sent her a friend request. After that, they had just remained acquaintances in the social network, not exchanging messages often (You know that you have such kind of friends, so you understand what I am talking about).

This day was exceptional: Sam had written an intimate note in the social network and had tagged a few friends in the note, top of the list being Shane. The note was capturing the hardships that people endured while they wore a stone face that suggested that everything is okay while deep inside they were nurturing a wound that nobody could see.

This note pricked through right into Shane’s heart and she felt tiny torrents of water rolling down from her eyes on either side of her nose. Who was this that seemed to know what she was going through at that time??? Was it a happenstance or was it programmed? Shane wondered.

For the first time, she found herself so interested to know more about Sam, and that is where the warmth of brotherhood and sisterhood began. Since then, they grew closer and closer as days went by. Sam seemed to apprehend every situation that Shane was going through and he always knew what to say and when to say it to ease Shane’s stress.

Sam was a saved Christian, and he was leading one of the Praise Teams in his university’s Christian Union. Whenever Shane had a situation, Sam would call to encourage her and he went down on his knees to pray for her.

What puzzled Shane is how untainted Sam’s love for her was. Obviously, at such an era, Sam would be in a very good locus to take advantage of Shane’s situations to “woo” her. Who wouldn’t admire those round cheeks with two deep melancholies that formed on either cheek whenever she smirked? Was Sam blind? Why wouldn’t he take the opportunity to overthrow her boyfriend now that he had earned Shane’s trust?!!

However, as she just thought, Sam’s love was wholesome and unconditional.

...

The bus’ gears were changing fast as it neared Shane’s hometown. Shane looked at her phone’s time and saw it was approaching 1900hrs. She had already read 240 messages all the way!!! She looked at this one that Sam had sent the previous week, which was the last one from him:

“Today I have spent three hours on my phone screen following closely a 241-sms dialog with my dear friend, reminiscing and capturing the memory behind when each sms was exchanged. This has been a therapy like no other, and so I gotta pass my love to my dear friend. I will be ok just knowing she is ok.”

Now it’s been a week and she hadn’t heard from Sam!! Creepy thoughts started crossing her mind: Maybe she was too pestering for him... or maybe he had interest in her but he decided to give her a blackout because she had a boyfriend... maybe…maybe something bad had happened to him...maybe he had a girlfriend who felt jealous so she put a curfew on his communications...Who could answer all these questions? Should she call him?...

The bus came to a stop at Shane’s hometown stage and she alighted, feeling numb and lethargic for being in a reverie for two hours. She stretched a bit, then proceeded to the mail office to see if there was any new mail for her family. There was one letter sealed in a white envelope, and it was addressed to her! This surprised her a bit, so she hassled to her house to read it.

Once she was in her bedroom, she unsealed the envelope anxiously, jerked out the letter and peeking at the bottom of the page, she read the name of the sender: SAM!!! This filled her with more apprehension, so she read the letter straightaway

...

Dear Shane,

There are times in life when we feel that the life we have belongs to us and only us. I have grown to prove myself wrong for thinking so. This knowledge has hit me thanks to the gift of friendship I was given with you.

When I was young, nobody mattered to me. Everyone was supposed to look after themselves and do what they gotta do to keep themselves happy. I now realize that is not the way God intended it to be.

“How can one love God if they don’t learn to love their neighbors?”

There were times I would switch off my phone to put myself and my priorities first. Little did I realize that there are friends who needed me. Little did I know that all I was doing was creating a fence between me and my happiness!

I have been trying to analyze what made me to behave that way, and the only explanation I could find was fear: fear that I would eventually end up being too attached to my friends, so I have to draw away before that happens. I timidly admit that this is a very injudicious perspective I had given life.

Not anymore am I going to let my panic rule over my heart. What is the meaning of life if I wanted to be all alone? What would be the color of days if all I did was run away from those that I love and hide from those who love me?

My deduction is that I was born to love and be loved, to help and find help, and to enjoy life but not in solitude. Let me face reality concerning the drudgery that tends to keep me glued to my own world: one day it will be over, and maybe I will or maybe not earn some silver for it. The question is, what happens to me after that? I will then get out, reopen my eyes and see what I have been missing in the world. I will start tweeting my friends telling them I am finally free from my work and we can catch up for fun!

Will there be anyone for me? All the strands of rapport would be very old and already cut. There are those that will ask me the freakiest question in life: “DO I REMEMBER YOU?” That won’t be a pretty portrait.

The purpose of my letter is to explain why I have been quiet for a while and apologize. I thought you and I never needed each other that much. I naively thought that having a boyfriend for you was sufficient, that you wouldn’t care even if I was gone. It started in the name of work. I would switch off my phone the whole day because my job required my optimum attention.

In the evening, I would board a cab feeling more than exhausted from the whole day of work and solitude. I would find myself gloomy in the vehicle, and unemotional to my neighbors in the bus. To cheer me up, the bus conductor would crack a joke to me. However, my response would be negative, most of the time even insulting him in front of the other commuters.

It dawned to me one day that I had totally forgotten my way and I was headed for the world where there resided no one, and friendship was an alien word there. I realized that my sense of humour was flying away at the lightning speed because it was getting cold chills from my mood.

I recalled when the last time was for me to read The Bible in the book of James. I had it all wrong, I decided, and it is time to save myself before I drown completely.

My conscience won’t let me be at peace if I do not apologize for my silence. It is now clear that I need you dear friend, and I do hope you still have that spot in your heart that needs me. The other day you sent me this sms and I am trying to decode it right now:

“

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

F=Fight for you

R-Respect you

I-Involve you

E-Encourage you

N-Need you

D-Deserve you

S-Save you

”

If I accomplish all these, then I am sure the world will mean happiness for both of us. One thing I am trying to do right now is to deserve you. Do I deserve you after going that silent in the name of being busy?

To have known you was a privilege, I thank God for you. To keep you will take generosity on my side. I have been too self-centered, minding only me. Not anymore will I let selfishness take the better part of me. To lose you, I will have failed in my mission in this world to make somebody happy. All my life there is nothing I hate more than thinking that I am a failure, and I will never let life take me there.

Please accept my sincere confessions for growing far from you. God commanded us to love one another and pray for one another, that we may live to develop each other and God will find a serene place in our hearts.

I hope it is not too late for you to accept my apology. May you be there for me and let me be there for you, closer than a brother? God bless you as you make your decision.

Love,

Sam.

...

Author’s message:

I don't know what Shane did after reading the letter, but I hope she found it in her heart to forgive and strengthen the bond. ;)

I don’t know how true this story is in your life. Are you that person that has grown so distant from your friends and your family? It is time you know that whatever has made you grow so distant will not last in your life. View it as a fleck in your eye, one that has blinded you and created a dark shield around you preventing you from seeing the light. Are you going to let it stay there? It is time you removed it. It is never too shameful to apologize to your friend, think about the greater consequences you will endure later if you don’t act now. It is never too late for them to receive you back into their arms, so don’t wait until it is.

God could have created only one person in the world, period! He could have decided to leave out the “Multiply and fill the earth” option. Have you ever thought why He never did that? What was the purpose of wanting the earth to be full of people if it is not to enable them to be there for each other? How would it be if you were alone in this world? It would probably be too big for you…

The fact still remains: I need you, you need me, I love you and I need you to survive.

Just thoughts straight from my mind and heart

Be blessed abundantly.

Jas 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.